disney – wtf??

yeah ok. i am not a big parade person. and, ok, i get that disney parades on TV are aimed at a demographic that is decidedly not one to which i belong nor am i immediately related or involved with anyone who gives a whit about tween stars or the jonas brothers or what have you (well, my bff does enjoy HSM, but you know what i am saying).

however, one would think that, as a disney parks fan, blogger and podcaster and as an AP passholder with a tinkerbell tattoo on my left shoulder, well, that i might glean a few moments of christmas cheer from this mornings christmas parade “live” from the world. all i can say is “bah humbug”. wait – that’s not all i can say, i can indeed work up an ire worthy of 1500 or so words about how much it SUCKS and how pathetically BAD that 2 hour, over-produced, ass-kissing, money sucking, soul stealing waste of money, time and energy was – in fact, i can make the statement that, were i not the completely obsessed park fan that i am, if somehow all i knew of disney were that movies are made and there are places to visit, i dare say i would NEVER want to go there. i would, in fact, be all the people who look at me quite strangely when they find out i am going there. again.

so back to the first statement, i’m not a parade fan, or at least haven’t been one, although as my visits to the park have become more frequent, i have stopped a moment or two to check out a daytime parade and have seen spectro-magic – TWICE! i still run from anything involving pom-poms and cries of “let’s go wildcats!” however. i mean, i’m not completely brainwashed. But, given that it IS Christmas – and I am not at work at the moment – i thought i might get a kick out of just seeing the parks in the christmas finery – especially given that i was there (hello) on the day of filming.  check it:

so that annoying "what will you celebrate" ballon isn't CGI

firstly, there is barely an actual parade to be seen. the shots are cut up and so over produced. you do expect this, but c’mon. every character or gyrating cheerleader they show also gets a cut away to “audience” members nodding to one another in sheer delight and then returning their attention to the next wondrous float! oh the joy! we all know the stretch from the hub to the RR station ain’t all that far – even shorter of course for the DL parade – and i realize that it’s the money shot with the castle that grabs people’s attention, but even i do turn on the macy’s day parade and as bad as the patter and the same self-aggrandizing commercialism is there on thanksgiving day, well, this is worse. you get no sense of any parade, you get no sense of anything. well, i get a sense of every tween star shilling for the mouse and the “exciting new disney channel coming soon!!!!”, but, barring hearing, say mary poppins sing or noting -with the quick eye that only a fanatic has – that the DL pixie hollow might be kinda neat compared to the MK version…..

vs.

 

pro: outlets! con: kind of bad painting over very temporary appearing pixie surroundings

 

why not show the damn parade, and perhaps quit referring to, oh, i don’t know, test track as “a new attraction”. hell, play the parade and then put stacy on. that would totally rock. dude! and then there’s the patter – ah yes – the patter…. well, again, you know its going to be bad, but this was two hours of relentless advertising so obvious, so dumbed down, so bad… what are they thinking????? of course, one will now be well aware of the new “what will you celebrate” promotion (OMG DID YOU KNOW YOU GET FREE ADMISSION ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! WOW! THAT’S UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!) – regis and kelly already know what they are going to celebrate!!!!!!!

 Regis “Absolutely! I mean, Joy and I are planning to come back here to celebrate the birth of our new grandson, William Xavier Sure”

Kelly ” And you know, I just want to celebrate that my entire family is happy and healthy this holiday.”

Regis “Absolutely! That’s something to be really thankful for!”

Kelly “For sure! (insert pause with head nod and smile here) Now let’s see what Ryan’s up to over in Disneyland!”

 Ryan “…(Beverly Hills Chihuahua) the greatest chihuahua movie of all time….”

perhaps i am just a grinch, a scrooge, a scrooge mcduck even, but it’s hard to imagine that if our man walt were here, it could still be quite this bad and unentertaining. there is so much at the fingertips of disney and abc – are all the imagineers locked in a closet somewhere? where they kidnapped by the evil henchmen of oogie boogie and hung over a pit of fire and bugs?

it’s so hard to stomach, i guess as i spend a christmas away from family and friends – at least geographically – and still being somewhat giddy with the GOOD MF contagion – the one that makes you feel all is well and you have all these wonderful, magical friends and that you were indeed just dusted with pixie dust (not the one that gaves us all the MF flu! 😉 ) – that THIS is what bubbles up to the masses for the holidays. indeed, as i said earlier, i can see how some families would see this and think – “why go there?”

do yourself and any loved ones a favor – turn off that heinous commercial and tune into anything about holiday and disney on, say, the travel channel. but then, i’m preaching to the choir here, right?

ok, let’s say 900 words….. bah humbug indeed.